I lived in an environment where almost everything I do, I hear comments here and there and so I grew up always asking a lot of “Whys” in my head. There are a lot of confusions along the way but after all those mental struggles, I now have my own process of handling what others think of me or say about me.
Some people are not aware of these unhealthy mental gymnastics and as a result, they end up feeling stressed out and less happier. This is alarming because it may lead to inappropriate thinking such as self pitying which is very evident in social media nowadays.
If you share same story, or at least some part of your life resonates with what I’m saying here, please take time to read. I’ll share my thoughts in this topic which is very noticeable these days every time I scroll down my social media accounts.
I’ll break this down to two sections, What others think of you and What others say about you.
Ways how to handle what others think of you
1. You don’t need to.
You don’t need to care about what others think because you just can’t. Here’s the thing. Can you really read what’s inside other people’s mind? A big NO.
One may argue “I know how that person thinks so I know what’s inside his head.. and blah blah blah”.
please absorb this carefully..
You have to understand that what you know right now, why you think you know how other people think, is because they probably said something previously and that gave you some sort of idea how they think. Get it? Read again if you don’t.
You cannot read minds like you have ESP, telepathic powers, or whatever. You can’t.
This is why you don’t need to care about what others think of you. What you need to care about is what they have previously said about you. Get it? That’s what we’ll be talking about in the next section.
2. Know yourself. You cannot please everyone.
If you’re thinking too much how you can please everybody around you, please stop. Stop being paranoid or you will wear yourself out. You need to accept the fact that in everything you do, there will be people who will cheer for you in one side and will “boo” you on the other side.
Trying to please everybody is near impossible if not 100% impossible. What you can do is to know yourself and for you to do that, you need to ask yourself several questions like the following:
- What’s the purpose why you do things you’re doing
- What are the things you’re good at and the things you’re aren’t good at?
- Whom you are doing it for?
- What your priorities are?
You just need to define your goal, select which path fits you, execute things the best you can, and that’s it. If you fail along the way, who cares? Learn from that mistake, get up, and try again.
Ways how to handle what people say about you
1. Think before you react
When somebody say something bad about you or the things you do, don’t just react like you’re a creature of lower form. You’re not a dog, or a bear, or a tiger who just react based their animal instinct. You are way much smarter than those animals.
For you to be able to respond accordingly to what others say, you need to practice how to stay calm in every situations you are in. Every time.
2. If they’re telling lies
If you truly know that the other guys are just telling lies, why bother? Entertaining them will only waste your energy and time.
Just make sure that what they’re saying about are lies and you’re not just pretending. You don’t have to care about what they say, as if you hear nothing. Those people don’t have a life.
3. If they’re only speculating
Positive speculations, most of the time, lead to good results because it will push you to achieve their expectations. However if the speculation is kind of negative, it is where many people fail of putting things into right perspective.
This is really a simple thing if you will just think about it and put it in a perspective where you can win and produce positive results.
First, if you think the speculation is not worth spending mental energy, you can just simply ignore it. This should always be the first thing you need to think about.
If speculations or gossips will do damage, confront the person. Just remember to deal with the issue and not with the person. Remember to stay in control every time and be careful to not become too emotional about anything.
Instead of approaching people like “Hey you [email protected]#$%^! what are you saying about me?”, consider something like “I am concerned about the gossips spreading around and I want it to stop”. This way of reacting will make you look more professional and in-control to anyone who might hear about it.
Again, deal with the issue/problem and not with the person and carefully the choose words you’re going to use.
4. If they’re expressing their opinion
Always remember that people have different views of different things. Whenever you hear opinions, it’s really up to you whether to accept it or not. You need to learn how to handle opinions.
An opinion is a statement not backed with research. It’s a subjective thing. Most of the time, people will comment on things based on their own preferences, past experiences, trends, and etc.
The thing you need to understand is that you should always be aware where people are coming from so you can respond accordingly.
5. If they’re telling the truth
If it’s something good, humble yourself. Remember that boasting will not do you any good. Conserve the energy you get from other people’s compliments and use that to become better every single day.
If it’s something negative, you know to yourself that it’s true, and it’s inline to the things that are important to you, you have to do something about it and improve.
So that’s it! I hope these tips helped you and if you think this will be beneficial to your friends, please share this with them. If you have something to share, tell it on the comment section below